My Verbal Constipation
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Revival- Important life lessons I have learnt in my time in EnglandYet another attempt on my part to revive my blogging habits, which never was a very active habit of mine to start with!
I quite randomly stumbled upon my blog again. I have to thank facebook for this, (our generations latest addiction and the centre of most conversations) where i realised i had put up some of the posts from here. Reading it made me think about who i was 2 years ago (thats the date of mt last post! i know.. im bad!) How many things have changed. How much i have changed (the essence is still the same) and.. how i find that i cant really write anymore sadly enough! maybe its because im tooo busy to let my mind wander, maybe its because im out of practice(?) maybe its because as we gro older we lose those rose tinted glasses we look at life through? or maybe its simply because i dont really have much to say and no real fodder to fuel my creativity!
since my last post... I finally finished my wretched journalism degree from MOP Vaishnav hell house for women, worked in a radio station, moved to England to do my masters in Film and Media production. Which i'm still doing fyi. Moved in with good friends from the course into our own little house where we spend all day watching movies, making movies, and of course... slowly yet steadily killing our brain cells.
This is my attempt at trying to re kindle my creative mojo. so without further adieu... here it is:
Important life lesso s i have learnt in my time in England:
1) Chips means fries.
2) Crisps mean, well, chips... and not of the fries variety
3) A pint is not those little bottles of corona/kf but actually 450 ml
4) Chavs are what you and i back home call porikkis
5) Goldflake IS the best cigarette in the whole wide world
6) How to use a washing machine
7) How to use a dishwasher
8) How to roast/bake something in an oven
9) That bread can actually be frozen!
10) That radiators are brilliant to dry clothes on. And if you do it right you don’t even have to
bother ironing them!
11) However radiators are not an alternative to the microwave. No matter how drunk you are,
remember, you CANNOT reheat pizza just by placing it strategically on a radiator. If you don’t have a microwave, use the oven!
12) That money does not grow on trees and that it is possible to be so broke that you eat boiled rice and stale bread for a week!
13) That there is a world out there with an internet connection so fast you can download an entire season of a tv show in 3 hours.
14) That having downloaded various seasons using above mentioned connection you can watch 64 consecutive hours of something breaking only to use the toilet... or make a cup of coffee/boil rice since you don’t have any money to do anything else anyway!
15) That if you’re broke DONT BUY NEW CLOTHES WITH WHAT LITTLE YOU HAVE! Use is to buy food instead.
16) Consumables have an expiry date for a reason.
17) Clothes don’t magically wash themselves, so don’t wait till you have nothing to wear before you do your laundry.
18) If you find that you don’t have any clean clothes, the alternative is NOT to go buy new clothes!!!
19) WEAR A SEAT BELT! ALWAYS!! No matter how short a distance you’re travelling!
20) It is impossible to walk on a moving bus without me falling over.
21) It is impossible for me to walk without falling over.
22) That if there are three people who drink in a house, it is possible to accumulate over 155 bottles of beer /wine in 3 months. RECYCLE!!!!!
23) Tea is a far superior drink to coffee. No wonder the English drink so much of it.
24) Cold is NOT better than heat.
25) That banning smoking in pubs and clubs is a BAD idea. And for those of you who say “o thank god, now my hair will not smell of cigarettes” i say... i would rather my hair smell of cigarettes than have to stay in a place which smells of stale beer, throw up, piss and sweat.
26) I HATE LETTUCE!
27) My i-pod is my best friend.
28) My laptop is my family.
29) Having a McDonalds drive thru right next door does nothing to improve one’s culinary skills.
30) Nothing can improve my culinary skills
31) Go cheap manual labor.
32) Asian people grow like a fungus. WE’RE EVERYWHERE!
33) It’s possible to live in a city and know only about 30 odd people (yes i sat and counted).
34) It is possible to walk into a bar and not know everyone sat at each table.
35) There’s no place like home... that being said Sheffield comes very close.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Beer... my Creative Laxativeim not going to go into a long drawn discourse explainign my absence from the blogging world. ive just been lazy and pre occupied with trying to get a life....
but then i went to bikes a couple of nights ago... and voila... over a beer.... suddenly the creativity started to flow.. and i felt my fingers itching towards my keyboard... and thus came about the birth of my next creation........
ODE TO THE WAITER AT BIKE AND BARREL
(note: this is a song sung to the tune of the ever popular irish classic, danny boy)
o waiter boy im drunk and i am calling,
from end to end and down the table's face,
the time is up and all the cops are waiting
but i just need one more beer to save face.
o come ye back to dispel sober shadows,
just one last beer is all you have to bring,
screw these buggers who say she'll have no more no,
o waiter boy o waiter boy i need you so...
i didnt sing that good man this song... but he brought me that last beer anyway... good man he...
:D
Thursday, April 27, 2006
birth of the bohemian beetroot- vol. one of the beetroot sagas.In the world of the Vegetable Patch... life itself was a sordid game. As sordid as the cheap manure used by the decrepit and debilitated OLD LADY. The Purple Polka Dotted Potato held the undisputed post of "PATCH PRINCESS". Her only competition, the aged Yiddish Yam, a dance of powers conveniently choreographed by that scheming witch. The Giddy Guards (the Gourds) were easily bought over by the all-pervasive WEED(s). No Ladies Finger was safe. The Spry Young Spring Onions grew weak, with their pale green stalks hanging low. The rich Prudish Pumpkins primed up proper for the pie were the only content consumables for they were the favored four of the freakishly fuddy duddy old maid.
It was into this world that that young enigmatic youth... the Brave Bright Burgundy Bohemian Beetroot sprouted his first leaf. Dismayed and distraught by the damage done by the despicable diva, that dastardly geriatric, he took a stand. A stand to uphold the rich, prosperous, colorful tasty, tongue tingling, tradition and history of his horticultural conglomerate.
Thus began the Brutal Battle Between the Bohemian Beetroot and the Bilious Brood of the Veterans Vicious Veggies. Bow down to the Bold Bohemian Beetroot.
(To be continued)
Friday, April 21, 2006
in response to karthik varma's blogyes yes i kow i can just post a comment but blogger.com will not let me do so on varma ji's page. piff... an error which is being processed and they will rectify it shortly.
but i must say... karthik, it could well have been a 40 year old man who might've been quite happy to have fallen on your crotch.
and i dont want to go to the bathroom either. the office is as cold as the poles. various body parts are on the verge of freezing and falling off. the boss's wrath d is not hot enough to increase the temperatures... yet pee i shall not! the bathroom scares me! not that it is unclean, for indeed it is spic and span. but i will not use the bathroom!
dear lord... give me deliverence... or make my bladder strong amen.
hmmm.... all this talk of exams and studying and
"o god dammit man, cant make. gotta cram"
put me in memory of my own 12th board exams
where i had such hell focussing on anything...
especially god damned history. so here it is.
what i was doing instead of studying history!
cucumbers and gerbils: studyin history:
cucumbers and lil gerbils with waving claws,
street lights with orange glows,
and the occasional drunk stumbling around.
vanity, my favourite sin, looking into my mirrors all around.
i see gold but no kings, space but no empires,
blades but no conquests,
heads too full, for thoughts of them
and theres the all pervasive smoke,
filling up the vacuum that is my mind, is that possible?
leaving no room for feats in history.
it slips away into the cosmos.
in the inky darkness all around, happiness lurks around the corner.
blue yellow and fairy dust: studyin history:reprise:
words i read bounce off my head.
blue and yellow float around,
like fairy dust against the light,
specks of white flying around blue skies,
pages flapping, kings and conquerors knocking on my doors.
numbers numbers so many numbers!
AD and BC and 1945,
i try runnig away, far away.
why won't my feet move.
numbers, kings, sleep taking me away,
out of my head and into the colours.
there it is neat in my hand, glowing like a beacon.
breathe in, breathe out, my saving grace.
goodnight.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
musings on reservation over free coffeeso im back in office yes? im sitting around... content... just going through my blogs rejoicing the fact that my lame hai kus actually got such a response when all of a sudden... a voice in the background. that familiar voice, not unpleasant o no... but still one that can send shivers down one's spine, is heard in the far distance. yes the boss is back in town, and my happy disguised unemployment does not get past him! so what hapens? im sent away into the editting room to watch yet another story on the recent reservation policy thats been proposed by that wretched arjun singh.
like a good girl i sat and watched. listened to what everyone has to say, heard what i myself went on air and said, but nothing really struck a chord. then i got back to my cabin and as i sipped on my free coffee... thoughts satrted formulating.
let me add here that the following points are not filed in any coherent order. just random thoughts that i decided to write as points to spare me the trouble of linking them and making flow.
brief over view: arjun singh hrd minister has proposed an addtitional 27.5% reservation for obc's. this is apart from the already existing reservation of 22% for sc, st'c and obc's. in other words... close to 50% reservation. but the reason for all the hoo haa is cos this has been proposed central govt. not only for government organisations but for all private higher educational institutions like the iit's and iim's as well.
1) reservation is there so that people who do not have the resources to get a decent education or a job are not side lined. however popular notion is that these ppl are the bc's obc's and sc st's.
2) the caste system as we are repeatedly told is a social injustice. we're all one and the same. we're all equal in the eyes of the law. such a thing as a cast biologically does not even exist. etc. yet the very basis of this reservation is a persons caste. soo....... that leaves me a bit stumped.
3) if these so called backward castes are so deprived... then why does a collectors son need reservation just cos he's sc?
4) wouldnt it make more sense to have reservation in the primary schooling level so that in the more competetive world of higher studies, everyone is equipped to make it on the grounds of merit?
5) ok so first generations need reservation, first generation to get an educattion. true. but why do the second or third generations need it?
6) if 50% of the students in an institution are going to get in purely by virtue of there birth... how do we ensure quality? especially in the iits and iims
7) unless of course a solid creamy layer system is established. which means another mandal comission or something along the likes getting involved, which means the govt will use this as an excuse to hike up our taxes(i dont really know if they can do that but it suits my rant) etc.
8) by making things so easy for the so called deprived we are merely making the weak weaker.
9) god dammit if everyone, irrespective of caste or creed, are taught well in private or public schools, made to mix with eachother, then we might actually get this god forsaken notion of "caste" out of our future generation's heads.
hmmm.... yes the rant is done... there are more obscure thoughts trying to find their way out... but my coffe's getting cold and there's nothing i hate more than good coffee gone bad.
until the next update on the reservation mess up. this is gitanjali raman signing off.
p.s. for further information check out ibnlive.com (what cheap publicity stunts i use)
p.p.s. we are one you and i we are one... imagine all the people living life in peace... sharing all the world... down caste system... so go merit based admissions!
Monday, April 17, 2006
on haikus and pleasantly disguised unemploymentwhat i love about haikus is the fact that anyone can write one on anything! as long as certain rules are followed. it need make absolutely no sense, one line need have no relevance to the other, rhyme schemes are an unknown concept! and yet...its poetry! its write up my allie! why look... as i say this im thinking of one! hah! type type finger work
getting thoughts together now
there i have a ku
its brilliant really. its the perfect option for the creatively challenged! read further and you will undestand!
sexku:
cuddle caress stroke
breathing fast but moving slow.
i love sex dont you
Showerku:the water is cold
it beats my body with haste.
There now i am clean.
tequila ku:lick suck gulp drink fast
getting high dancing about.
tequila god bless.
lurking beastku:
spring is here so smile
water melons drip and bounce.
can lurking beasts smile?
fox ku:fox trots runs away
tally ho and here we go!
giddyup hunts on.
you can just go on and on and on! im loving it! .... i think hai kus are the japs gift to the world. or the disgused"ly" unemployed. (yes thats me the pseudo economist/journalist). i sit in sub zero temperatures. watch the news for 8 hours straight, run around in the blazing summer sun asking ppl to speak into the mike(btw... only real work i do which usually takes up a grand total of half hour)*sigh* im not complaining though. im quite lowing the free food, press conferences and news room gossip.
im back in office.
now a human popsicle.
sniff shiver yes that me.
a tribute to all my friends near and far. this poor example of poetry is my dedication to all of you who've stood with me through thick and thin. underneath the poor attempts at humour and literary skills lies a sweet and touching heart felt mesage. the sub text is not to be taken at face value but requires a lot of perusal and pondering. the last line in particular. a lot of you have probably already read it... but for those of you who haven't but mean to... be strong be brave and one day you'll be like kapil dev.
ODE TO A DEAD STARFISH: gitanjali raman
o ye with those long protrusions, they were once young and spry,
with their many many little eyes,
but now i see them wilted and dry,
you moved around sticking your fingers downs holes,
never once losing site of yout goals,
the sea animones at the sight of you came,
a more delicious bite the fish could not claim.
the sight of you swimming the deep seas filled me with joy,
but today you're compared to unromantic boys.
dead you lie bottled up in a jar,
stuck on a box or smashed up on the tyres of a car.
i dont know how you got out of the water and on the road,
but the beauty of you by me will be told.
for the joys derived from watching you swim
or mocking you for being dim,
filled my days with sunshine and delight.
o dear starfish my heart goes out to your plight,
i wonder if you even put up a fight?
i suppose not for the danger would not have registered,
always thought you a bit retarded.
now as i stand by the sea, is it you stuck on a box i see?
by jove! do you know what that means?
i always needed a box for sardines!
yes, i gitanjali raman have finally joined the band wagon. i tried to resist, made excuses, even mocked bloggers... but god dammit im weak. the thought of ranting about things no one is likely to listen to otherwise is just too tempting!
time for confessions now. i have nothing witty to say, no funny anecdotes, nothing novel or creative to write about... in other words, my mind is a creative void. i suffer from what i have termed verbal constipation.
therefore i would like to inform all of you that my blog is dedicated to commenting(nothing negative or critical of course... im quite a nice person in that respect) on the blogs of others. not plagiarising mind you... just posting my thoughts on your thoughts. in other words your blogs will be my creative laxative. and yes i will dedicate my blogs to whomsoever it may concern and give the required acknowledgements.
and thus ends my first blog. thank you for visiting. kindly leave your comments or suggestions in the comment box. have a nice day.
p.s. be nice!
A Brief Insight into the World of Pickled Red Herring:
THE WORLD IS MY ASHTRAY AND THE UNIVERSE MY BARSTOOL!(c) Gitanjali Raman
ABOUT THIS BLOG
Pickled Red Herring reccomends:
- Manasi
- Mathi-1
- Mathi-2
- Mathi-3
- varun rajiv
- Anna Saju
- Lakshmi Kumaraswami
- Nina Mehta
- Divya Nair
- sush
- kavya
- Karthik Varma
- KK
- Abhinav Ramnarayan
- Vinayak Varma
- Namrata Kartik-1
- Namrata Kartik-2
- Namrata Kartik-3
- Rohini
- vakil sir
Archives
Credits
Visitors to My Little World